Episode 4

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Published on:

26th Sep 2023

Into The Badlands S3E1 - Give Me Kung Fu Babies!

It's time for Last Time On, the podcast for everyone who wants to watch all of that prestige television, but who has time for that? Our hosts don't, so they take the randomized highway down your favorite shows they haven't seen, and try to guess what happened Last Time On!

Join us as Ben and Xhafer just want to see the kung fu baby.

Transcript
:

Welcome to Last Time On.

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This is the podcast for people who want

to watch all this prestige television,

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but who's got time for all this?

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Track 2_001: You know, I don't.

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Track 1_001: I'm Jafar.

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Track 2_001: and I am Ben

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Track 1_001: we are

season three, episode one.

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This is five episodes of Into

the Badlands we've watched,

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and we're in the final season.

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Track 2_001: four.

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This is our fourth,

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Track 1_001: Even less than I had thought.

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Yeah.

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Track 2_001: Yeah, this is

season three, episode one.

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Enter the Phoenix now.

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You fair?

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Track 1_001: Yes, Ben.

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Track 2_001: I remember the

first time I entered Phoenix.

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Uh,

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we went in after work,

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got

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hamburgers and fries.

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Yeah, at

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about 3:00 AM It was a good time.

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Very small booths.

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Track 1_001: I can't tell you the

first time I entered Phoenix, because

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I had been going to that Coney

Island since I was in high school.

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Uh, but yes.

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Phoenix Diner.

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Lovely

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Track 2_001: very disappointed.

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At no point do any of our characters

go to a Coney Island restaurant.

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Track 1_001: I don't want to know what a

Coney island and post post apocalypse is.

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Surfing

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Track 2_001: Fair?

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Absolutely fair.

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Track 1_001: How

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are you feeling about the show right now?

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Track 2_001: I'm feeling amazing.

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Yeah,

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Track 1_001: I am.

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I rode a roller coaster this episode.

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Track 2_001: which you fair.

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They finally gave you kung fu babies.

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Track 1_001: They did not

give me Kung Fu babies.

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Track 2_001: gave you kung fu babies.

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No,

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Track 1_001: no, no, no, no.

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They could have given me Kung

Fu babies and they didn't.

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We'll, we'll get to it when we get there.

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Track 2_001: Um,

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you've been asking for one thing and

one thing only, and we don't get it.

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Track 1_001: It was so frustrating.

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A Kung Fu baby not doing any

Kung Fu is not a Kung Fu baby.

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But

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Track 2_001: But it's a baby with

the potential for Kung Fu, which

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Track 1_001: a baby with

the potential for Kung Fu.

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Ben.

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Track 2_001: Put that up at

my, uh, son's kindergarten.

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Track 1_001: Alright, we open on Minerva.

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Track 2_001: The Widow.

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Track 1_001: looking at a map of

the Badlands, and we see the seven

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baronies, uh, Six barons are now dead.

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Yes, I paused before that point and

looked at all of the different baronies.

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So we've got red armadillo and black

armadillo, which I'm guessing was maybe at

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one point Uh, Jade and Quinn as separate.

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I'm guessing Red Armadillo was

Quinn and black Armadillo was Jade.

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Track 2_001: think

you've got it backwards.

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Well,

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Track 1_001: I could see it going either

way 'cause Quinn was red armadillo, so

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he might take up red armadillo and Jade

as a widower might take black armadillo,

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but it could also be either way.

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Track 2_001: He was wearing black.

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and so all of his guys,

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Track 1_001: Yeah.

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I don't know how well they color coded.

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Um,

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Track 2_001: also I want to know like.

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Again, we have another

six month time skip.

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I want to know what it was like

for that metalsmith, like, Okay,

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I must have a new armadillo

pendant to put on my brooding map.

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Uh, and like, he's etching

it out and chiseling it.

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Alright, and it's finally done.

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Oh, they're all dead by now.

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Um, but this was, this was the

last five months of my life.

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Track 1_001: Just blown away.

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Um, the others, we have a butterfly.

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, I did call out, I, I

believe this was Minerva.

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That's confirmed many times this episode.

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, but I was just based off of geography,

assuming that that was Minerva beforehand.

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, And then some of the others

were a little difficult to make

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out, but there is a peacock.

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There is a, a lizard thing, , that

maybe if it's, it's either

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a lizard with a weird tail.

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Or a grasshopper, depending on

which direction it's facing.

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I'm not quite sure.

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, on top, it appears to be

a blue pair of narwhals.

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, I don't know if there's

any other fish with horns.

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That's the only one I could think

of, but that's what it looks like.

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, we have a golden fox as well, which

we see become part of the plot.

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, Ben, all these barons are dead.

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Let's get weird with it.

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Track 2_001: I

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So we've got ourselves,

, five dead barons.

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Yeah.

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Six.

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If we count the, the

husband, the widow killed,

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, ,

Track 1_001: which,

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Track 2_001: hey, we know about

that one, but for our five that are

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left, We know stuff was going on.

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Quinn was raising

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all kinds of ruckus.

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People fighting, people

doing, , awesome kung fu.

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I think

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they all came together at

a, , to have a big battle.

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And it was going to be,

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Quinn and the Widow versus everybody else.

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And everybody else,

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was getting ready to attack, win.

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They forgot Quinn's number one po power.

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He's got a ghost son.

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Track 1_001: He does have a ghost son.

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Track 2_001: And, , so, , he's

able to manifest rider.

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Which freaks out, , Jade enough that

in the confusion, the all, , all the

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other barons besides Chao get killed.

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But, it takes too much

out of Quinn and he dies.

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Because he manifested ghost son!

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Track 1_001: Alright, yeah, Ghost Rider.

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, okay, that's weird.

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, but I feel like that fits somehow,

like that could happen in this show.

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That was the level of

weird I was going for.

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Okay, well, mission accomplished.

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I'm gonna go for a bit weirder.

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, so, all the barons get

together for a meeting, right?

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We know this was six months

ago, so I'm gonna say it was

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Christmas when this happens.

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So they're having a little potluck

with all the barons when they do their

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baron meetings and talk about, Owning

slaves or whatever other despicable

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shit they're going to be doing.

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Track 2_001: That's what I

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Track 1_001: Opium!

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Track 2_001: needed.

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And I'm going to posit

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Track 1_001: Oh, yeah, just what I needed.

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, and I'm going to posit that Minerva

makes a plan at this potluck to poison.

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Track 2_001: all of the barons.

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Track 1_001: So she makes

this poison dish, right?

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It's a dessert.

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It's this beautiful cake

that looks delicious.

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And, and it's going to

poison everyone, right?

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And, , she's still on speaking

terms with Tilda at this point.

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And so Tilda is coming along and on

the carriage ride over right before

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they arrive at their destination.

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Tilda reveals that she left the

cake at home and instead brought

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her own dessert, which is one

of those 70s Jell O fruit molds.

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, and so...

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Minerva's like, ugh, my

plan, I'm not going to poison

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any of these barons, right?

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Also, this looks terrible, Tilda.

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And so Tilda, ashamed, doesn't eat any.

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, neither does her mother,

because it looks disgusting.

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All of the other barons do, and it ends up

killing them all through food poisoning.

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Completely on accident.

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They all die of dysentery.

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They shit themselves to death.

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Track 2_001: to

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Track 1_001: Except for our golden

fox, who has an iron stomach.

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Track 2_001: It is.

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It's a callback.

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Which is

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Track 1_001: It's a callback, which

is something I always appreciate.

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Track 2_001: So, we now cut from

the, the, the brooding map, er, the

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plotting map, , to a big ol fight scene.

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Track 1_001: Yeah, we

see some cool stuff here.

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Did you catch that

Talhoffer play arm wrap?

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Track 2_001: Yeah, also, our

first actual real use of shields.

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Yes, I

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Track 1_001: seeing that.

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Shields.

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Track 2_001: nice to have on

a crazy chaotic battlefield.

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Track 1_001: In a world where the

things that are most likely to kill you

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are swords and arrows, the thing I am

never leaving home without is a shield.

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We are following this young woman

who is holding the butterfly banner.

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Jafar, were you ever

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Track 2_001: a shield.

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, it is 100 percent someone

we're supposed to know.

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, Track 1_001: it is 100 percent

someone we're supposed to know.

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Okay.

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We get confirmation of

that later this episode.

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Well, no.

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Track 2_001: episode.

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Oh, I got the vibe that this was

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Track 1_001: I don't think she's somebody

we would've ever have met before.

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Oh, I got the vibe that this was a

character that we knew, like from

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the way this is shot, there's like

no names or speaking or anything.

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I think this was her, , Minerva

Regent here because the regent,

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she was the flag bearer,

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Track 2_001: Not the regent.

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The regent was Stephen Lang.

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Track 1_001: Well, you,

it was Stephen Lang then.

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We've missed a number of episodes.

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Yes.

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Track 2_001: uh, Stephen

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Track 1_001: Steven Lang out, this

lady in, and then dies terribly on the

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Track 2_001: Yeah, I was like, okay,

I don't know who this person is.

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And then she get hwashes to the face.

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.

Track 1_001: It is a rough go.

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Track 2_001: Yeah, , they have

a big arrow launcher, and she

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just kind of looks up at it.

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And I was like, oh no.

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And then,

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ARROWED.

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, Track 1_001: why?

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Why would you have...

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Artillery that launches full size arrows.

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Track 2_001: That's what a Hawatch is.

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Track 1_001: I'm, I'm aware of

the historical precedent, Ben.

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They have gasoline in engines.

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So even if they don't have

gunpowder, they've got combustion.

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Yes.

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The, like, you might not be able to...

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Turn that into a gun.

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But you can a hundred percent

turn that into a piece of

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artillery with a relative ease.

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Yes.

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Like they should have cannonballs

launched by gasoline on this bitch.

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Especially given that, uh, Minerva

is, that's not a good answer

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Track 2_001: It's against

the kung fu rules.

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You fair.

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Track 1_001: Minerva is specifically

trying to get rid of these rules and

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she is also the gasoline Baroness.

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Track 2_001: She's getting

rid of some of the rules.

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Track 1_001: the slavery rules at the very

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Track 2_001: Yes.

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I, I, I, I'm trying to, like, I've,

I've bent over backwards to try and

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come up with ways to justify it.

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, and I think part of it is, , if we are the

rich, , you know what's really a bummer?

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If somebody can just

bust a cap and shoot me.

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, it's a lot easier to control people when

you have to know kung fu to kill anybody.

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And I have all the best Kung

Fu people, because, slavery.

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Track 1_001: Yeah.

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No, I mean, that makes sense to me.

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, it's just like, why would you have that

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Track 2_001: for

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Track 1_001: artillery?

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It just seems like, at

the very least you've got.

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enough science where you could have much

smaller chambers and carry much smaller

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ammunition that's going to go farther and

probably be more accurate than hand spun

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arrows and like, it's just, it's this

intersection, this dichotomy of technology

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available in this world that just makes

absolutely no fucking sense because we

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could do a lot of things and we don't.

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Yeah, but it's, that's, that's at a big

scale and some people do those things,

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you know, if you're talking about like

renewable energy, which is where my mind

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goes to when you say something like that,

, compared to like, this would be so basic.

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This isn't like high science

or costing millions of dollars.

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It's more effective and in

their engineering wheelhouse.

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I don't know.

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Track 2_001: It's cause it's cool, Ja'far.

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And it is

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cool.

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Track 1_001: Fine, Ben, I guess it's cool.

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Track 2_001: is cool!

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Track 1_001: We cut over after

this fight to Minerva doing

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their best chariots of fire.

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Track 2_001: Yes.

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Track 1_001: heading to a lighthouse

in disrepair to meet Nathaniel.

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Track 2_001: Yes.

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She's riding her horse to a

graying tower alone by the sea.

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Track 1_001: Yep.

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A swordsman with a thousand kills.

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Track 2_001: Yes.

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Track 1_001: Only in Kung Fu movies

does someone live to a thousand kills.

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Kissinger's

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Track 2_001: Kills Kissinger's

got that many times over.

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Track 1_001: Only in Kung Fu movies

does someone without using guns and

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weapons of mass destruction live to a

thousand, a thousand swordsman kills.

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A thousand kills with a sword, Ben?

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Can you imagine winning a

thousand sword fights in a row?

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Track 2_001: Jengas might have that.

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Track 1_001: Aye.

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I don't think so.

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Not fair?

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Well, I mean, I

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Track 2_001: not fair.

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Track 1_001: don't know that

we know that they're fair

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Track 2_001: But they

killed a lot of people.

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Track 1_001: They killed a lot of people.

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Like, I can, being responsible

for a thousand deaths, sure,

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plenty of people got that.

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, because history is fucking

terrible and filled with war.

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But,

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one dude, a thousand melee kills, is...

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Obscene.

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Track 2_001: Yeah.

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, yeah.

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So we've got, , Nathaniel, who

is, I just called him Claw Man.

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Uh,

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Track 1_001: Claw.

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Well we know his other

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Track 2_001: Yeah.

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He is Silver Moon.

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Yes he is,

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but he's cloud man.

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Track 1_001: We find that out from

the subtitles in the next scene.

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Track 2_001: He has

killed a bunch of people.

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, He is after the man who cut off

his right hand, and I'm like,

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oh man, that's sunny, ain't

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it?

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Yeah, , and she says, hey, come

back, , with me, be my regent, and he's

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like, nah, I don't do that anymore.

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And she, , so she says, you're

either coming back with me, , as

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my regent, or I'm killing you here.

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, and this is where we get

our first confirmation.

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R.

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I.

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P.

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Stephen Lang.

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This is what

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you get for not being

in the opening credits.

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You get dead in the badlands.

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I loved

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Track 1_001: I loved this fight.

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Track 2_001: Oh, this was an amazing

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Track 1_001: was straight up

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

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As soon as there was a lunge that turned

into a ten foot slide, I'm all like,

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It's Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon time!

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Track 2_001: Yeah, in my notes.

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Ooh, trigger block!

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Flippy

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stuff!

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, Track 1_001: Balancing on two

swords stuck in the ground.

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Track 2_001: Doing sword kicks.

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And,

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yeah, in, this, , in my

notes, This fight is dope!

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They

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, Track 1_001: when they start climbing

the lighthouse and we get the view

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of like the lighthouse and like the

water and them fighting on the side

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of it, I was just all like, the

show might've finally won me over.

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Track 2_001: Yeah, oh well, and it's not

actually a lighthouse, it's a smokestack.

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Track 1_001: Yeah?

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Yeah,

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Track 2_001: 'cause you knows when they

get to the top and they're fighting

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on it, there's nothing up there.

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Track 1_001: assumed that it

had just been knocked off.

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That it was a wood structure

housing the lens that had

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Track 2_001: Oh, impossible.

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, but, , at one point Nathaniel slash

Silver Moon slash cloud man, , flicks

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his arm and his claws extend.

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, Big pop from Ben for Extendo Claws.

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Also, did you notice what

his claws were made out

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Track 1_001: Rebar.

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Rebar will fucking get you, man.

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Track 2_001: Oh, yes it will!

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Track 1_001: You gotta,

be careful around Rebar.

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Track 2_001: This has been...

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Jaffar's Osha

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Track 1_001: Corner.

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If I had a dollar for every time I've

had to tell someone to watch out for that

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rebar, I wouldn't be retired, but it's

way more than you would expect someone

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to have for a dollar for that comment.

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How much of that money

would have come from Shane?

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A lot.

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Track 2_001: We had a friend who, , made a

makeshift tent that was held up with rebar

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staked into the ground at a campground

where many people were drunk most of the

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time.

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It was a terrible idea.

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, yes.

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So they fight up the

tower, we end, , with...

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, blade to Nathaniel's throat, but

the claws to Minerva's, , torso.

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And so they have fought themselves to a

semi standstill, but Nathaniel now has her

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respect.

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Track 1_001: her respect.

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No.

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But we see Henry in a

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Track 2_001: With baby Henry.

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No veil to be found.

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My notes say that's not good news.

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No, but we see Henry in a papoose.

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I wonder if veil is dead.

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I, I

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think she is.

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Oh.

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Jair, during our credits, did

you notice what Nick Frost's

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name appears in front of?

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Track 1_001: No.

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Oh, a ship.

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Track 2_001: Yeah, it's a boat.

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And I'm just like,

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was that in season two?

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Did this subconsciously influence my,

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uh,

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Nick Frost backstory?

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I was just like, oh man, did I

get, , subliminal messaged by this

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show?

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We

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Track 1_001: After this, we see Tilda

and the Petco assassins, who were trying

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out a new look for their sophomore album,

uh, rating one of Minerva's convoys,

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and they unexpectedly rescue bady again.

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Track 2_001: So how long did it take

for you to figure out this was Tilda

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Track 1_001: seconds?

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Like, as soon as we saw a face,

I'm like, oh, that's Tilda.

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I

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Track 2_001: did not recognize

her without the haircut.

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Track 1_001: Yeah, that's because

I look at people's faces, Ben

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, Track 2_001: I'm, I'm more

interested to the pa, like I'm sad.

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R S V P, , page boy.

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Page girl drop.

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but

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I have a question for you.

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Your fair?

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Yeah.

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You're driving a convoy?

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Yeah.

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driving, suddenly,

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Kung Fu

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Badass drops from the,

from the uh, the branches.

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Yep.

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What is your move as the

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driver?

420

:

Track 1_001: on the brakes so

that physics does the work.

421

:

Just launch him.

422

:

Track 2_001: she's dropped

down in the road in front of

423

:

you.

424

:

Track 1_001: Oh.

425

:

Track 2_001: These aren't the two

people who then later drop on your roof.

426

:

Track 1_001: Oh, okay, yeah.

427

:

The people who drop on my

roof slam on the brakes.

428

:

Yes.

429

:

Uh, the person in front of me?

430

:

Probably speed up.

431

:

Track 2_001: Or swerve, even stopping.

432

:

Track 1_001: Yeah.

433

:

Track 2_001: Do you drive ahead at

the same rate of speed down the road?

434

:

Track 1_001: No.

435

:

No, if I'm getting ambushed, no.

436

:

Yeah.

437

:

Track 2_001: but that is not what

this driver does He continues driving

438

:

straight on the extra kung fu fighters

drop on they kill everybody the

439

:

driver gets a glaive to the throat

440

:

That's

441

:

a red everybody knows Kroll right

is a topical reference, right?

442

:

Track 1_001: can make a Xena reference.

443

:

Track 2_001: Well, that,

444

:

Track 1_001: I know it's not

the exact same weapon, but

445

:

it's used in the same manner.

446

:

Track 2_001: Yeah.

447

:

I mean, but, but it's a

448

:

gla

449

:

Track 1_001: The Chakram,

450

:

Track 2_001: totally

a gr a gla from Kroll.

451

:

Everybody seen Kroll, right?

452

:

Oh, no.

453

:

, but yeah, they, , they kill everybody

but find, oh, this, , supply convoy.

454

:

It was actually a prison convoy.

455

:

We accidentally saved baggie.

456

:

Track 1_001: Yeah, for,

this has happened before.

457

:

They make light of the situation.

458

:

, after this we get our confirmation

that Nathaniel is Silver Moon.

459

:

That's cool, I like continuity.

460

:

And I like continuity that we

happen to stumble upon in our

461

:

random watchthrough even more.

462

:

Track 2_001: After this, we see

463

:

, Track 1_001: after this we

see MK smoking some opium.

464

:

Track 2_001: He

465

:

Track 1_001: As he talks to Minerva,

he's in a cell, but he's not trying

466

:

to escape, and he's lost his powers.

467

:

Yeah, , two,

468

:

, Track 2_001: two swerkers leave

the room and he's just . , yeah.

469

:

It's just, I don't get it.

470

:

If he has no powers, why is he locked up?

471

:

, Track 1_001: yeah, it's bad.

472

:

,

Track 2_001: yeah.

473

:

It's bad.

474

:

, Yeah, it,

475

:

Track 1_001: It, but he's talking

about like, oh, well, Sonny's

476

:

going to come rescue me and stuff.

477

:

I guess he never learned

any actual Kung Fu.

478

:

He just relied on his gift.

479

:

Track 2_001: they kept trying to teach

it to him, and he kept not listening.

480

:

Fair.

481

:

, But we find out, this is where

we find out, , when he's lost his

482

:

gift, and it's been six more months,

483

:

, he's been trapped there.

484

:

, but this is where we also find out

Tilda definitely not working for

485

:

her mom anymore if her attacking

her mom's convoy didn't sell it.

486

:

, and,

487

:

,

Yeah, she, , he tries to attack her and she just kicks him and he goes down.

488

:

Track 1_001: Yeah.

489

:

Track 2_001: And he says, why

are you wasting your time on me?

490

:

And that is...

491

:

Exactly what I wondered.

492

:

, Track 1_001: yeah, he

493

:

Track 2_001: Yeah.

494

:

Jair.

495

:

Where do we end up next?

496

:

Right.

497

:

, Track 1_001: we're over at Sonny's

remarkably in shape conversion

498

:

van webseriesing on all the

work he put in coming soon.

499

:

Track 2_001: but it's an rv.

500

:

We're back in an rv Jair.

501

:

Track 1_001: Ja'far!

502

:

We are back in an RV.

503

:

Track 2_001: It's, it's

just like being home.

504

:

Track 1_001: It might even be.

505

:

We don't really get a good look at it.

506

:

I

507

:

Track 2_001: I mean, it is a

M c I wouldn't be surprised.

508

:

Yeah,

509

:

Track 1_001: it might be the same, at

the very least on the exterior, the

510

:

Track 2_001: it doesn't look

the same inside, but yeah.

511

:

Track 1_001: He reminisces about Vale

teaching him to read, which he could

512

:

barely do at the start of the series.

513

:

Hey, character progression, bitch!

514

:

Yeah,

515

:

Track 2_001: Now he's

reading Henry Jungle book.

516

:

, this is where we get real

confirmation that veil is gone,

517

:

Track 1_001: So dead.

518

:

, Track 2_001: puts the baby to bed

and starts taking some sips out

519

:

of, , a flask and then passes out.

520

:

Wakes up in, in broad daylight, , to

521

:

Track 1_001: To Sick Baby and Raiders,

Ben, as resident parent on the

522

:

podcast, How bad of a morning is this?

523

:

Track 2_001: It's bad.

524

:

It's real bad.

525

:

, sick baby.

526

:

Bad machete.

527

:

Fight in an RV is bad.

528

:

, machete fight around.

529

:

Sick baby.

530

:

Real bad.

531

:

,

Track 1_001: That of course being the scale we use for

532

:

all things on this podcast.

533

:

Machete, fight in an rv, sick baby and

machete fight around a sick baby in an rv.

534

:

Track 2_001: Yes, this is about the worst

morning you can have, especially because

535

:

he drank, like, enough to pass out.

536

:

Track 1_001: Mm-hmm.

537

:

, ,

yeah.

538

:

Track 2_001: which, that's, that sip of

moonshine or whatever must be strong.

539

:

Track 1_001: he could be a lightweight,

540

:

Track 2_001: But he might, like, we have

to add to this, he might be hungover.

541

:

Track 1_001: Uh, yeah.

542

:

Track 2_001: so, , top of our scale

is hungover sick baby machete fight.

543

:

Track 1_001: Mm hmm.

544

:

, also he's got a punji stick trap crib?

545

:

Yes.

546

:

Weird flex, but okay.

547

:

Track 2_001: Well, hey, stop

anybody from stealing my baby.

548

:

, Track 1_001: we cut over to Lydia, who

is in charge of some kind of refugee

549

:

camp, as Tilda, now known as the Iron

Rabbit, Returns with supplies and badgie.

550

:

Track 2_001: So Jair, I know it's a post.

551

:

Post apocalypse

552

:

Track 1_001: Sure is.

553

:

Track 2_001: I wish we lived

in a world where we could give

554

:

ourselves cool names like this.

555

:

Track 1_001: You can, Ben.

556

:

We, we did a thing where you could have

given yourself a cool name for years and

557

:

people would still only know you as that.

558

:

Track 2_001: Yes.

559

:

But.

560

:

Track 1_001: I

561

:

Track 2_001: I can't be known as

the Iron Rabbit just in my life.

562

:

I can't go around work and have

people call me the Engineer.

563

:

,

without me being the most pretentious guy at work.

564

:

where it's like, No,

565

:

you call me the Weasel.

566

:

Track 1_001: I mean, I had the title,

the Flame and the Horn briefly.

567

:

That was

568

:

Track 2_001: That's true.

569

:

,

Track 1_001: there was the Ash Zealot there for a minute.

570

:

Track 2_001: Yeah.

571

:

Track 1_001: Had

572

:

Track 2_001: these are

all inside of our game.

573

:

Track 1_001: It's true.

574

:

Track 2_001: These are

not professional titles.

575

:

Track 1_001: I mean, when you only work

with people for that, you lrp with,

576

:

That helps.

577

:

Track 2_001: I'm just saying,

society, we need better titles.

578

:

When was the last time a

world leader got an honorific?

579

:

,

, when was our last The Great, or The Bald, or, my favorite, , the honorific

580

:

for Charles Martel, The Hammer.

581

:

Track 1_001: I wanna say Nelson

Mandela has one, doesn't he?

582

:

Track 2_001: doesn't he?

583

:

An

584

:

Track 1_001: Yeah.

585

:

Doesn't

586

:

Track 2_001: he?

587

:

I don't

588

:

Track 1_001: know.

589

:

I I could, I could have sworn he does.

590

:

Track 2_001: Yeah, I

591

:

Track 1_001: don't know.

592

:

I don't have time to Google it

593

:

, but I do have time to talk about how this

is not a sophomore album for Tilda and

594

:

the Petticoat Assassins, but rather a

whole new project, Iron and the Rabbits.

595

:

, Beth has informed me that Nelson

Mandela's honorific is Madiba.

596

:

And a quick Google also shows that

he's known as Father of the Nation.

597

:

Yes.

598

:

, Badgie confirms Sonny.

599

:

Hasn't been heard from in months.

600

:

, they need to rescue MK.

601

:

This is all Fallout from Last Time On.

602

:

A giant battle at the Widow's Compound

where all of our heroes were gathered.

603

:

I'm guessing that was the season finale.

604

:

Track 2_001: And this is where it seems

Quinn died for realsies this time, but

605

:

Track 1_001: TBD.

606

:

Track 2_001: how, how sure were

you he was going to be in the, the

607

:

teaser at the end of the episode?

608

:

Track 1_001: Nope, but I got, he's,

he's, we will see Quinn again.

609

:

That's, that's in my predictions.

610

:

Okay.

611

:

I'll leave it at that.

612

:

.

Sunny gets told to head to the refugee camp to get medicine for Henry.

613

:

He heads there, a healer assists, starting

with an ice bath to help with the fever.

614

:

He then recognizes his motorcycle, and

he gets to Bajie just in time to save

615

:

him from getting got from scamming some

616

:

Track 2_001: Yes,

617

:

he is, he is swindling people at Mahjong.

618

:

,

Track 1_001: Yep.

619

:

, we still, he, we see he still has

Nathaniel's sword here, by the way.

620

:

Which is more important

now that Silvermoon appears

621

:

to be a regular character.

622

:

Track 2_001: to we also find out

that, , Badgie has his compass.

623

:

Track 1_001: Yes.

624

:

, Track 2_001: so, something

weird happened, and here's where

625

:

we're, , We start wondering,

like, okay, what's been going on?

626

:

Why does Bajie have the compass?

627

:

So Jafar, I have to ask you,

628

:

what happened

629

:

to her?

630

:

Track 1_001: So there was a

moment, , where like, so we see.

631

:

There's that big, like, dam, right?

632

:

That they built into a fortress

wall, , after it got drained and they

633

:

put some doors on it or something.

634

:

We see it a little bit

later in one of the shots.

635

:

So, they're on top of that thing, right?

636

:

And they're fighting on top of it.

637

:

And Sonny gets knocked off, he

like, kicks some dude in the

638

:

face so hard his head explodes or

639

:

whatever.

640

:

, , but the momentum carries him off of

the dam, and Badgie goes to grab him,

641

:

and just gets him by the necklace,

which is where that compass is.

642

:

Right?

643

:

So he's like holding him up by

that compass all dramatically

644

:

off the edge of the dam.

645

:

And then Sunny looks down, sees Vail

and Henry escaping, and they are

646

:

surrounded by a couple of dudes, right?

647

:

And so Sunny cuts the chain on the

necklace compass so that Badgie's

648

:

still holding it, slides down the

dam, is fine, obviously, rescues Vale,

649

:

and Badgie just sees them right off.

650

:

This explains why Badgie is like,

Oh, well, he, him and Vale went the

651

:

other way, they did this, we had no

one seen them, and also still leaves

652

:

enough danger in the solution for

Vale to have not made it successfully

653

:

when Badgie thinks that she did.

654

:

Track 2_001: Alright!

655

:

Track 1_001: Canon.

656

:

Track 2_001: mean, it misses

how, , he thought Badgie was dead.

657

:

But, bad stuff could have been

happening out the top of that dam.

658

:

Uh, so, he's like, I

thought I left you to die.

659

:

Track 1_001: Seems

660

:

Track 2_001: Which seems

on brand for Sonny.

661

:

Track 1_001: I abandoned you to the

wolves, only for you to come back.

662

:

Track 2_001: How many times have

I abandoned you to the wolves

663

:

only for you to come back?

664

:

, Track 1_001: she is seeing to

her soldier from the opening's

665

:

funeral, , including a name.

666

:

This character does have a name,

and we just missed an entire arc for

667

:

this character, except for her death.

668

:

Ben, what happened horror?

669

:

Take me on the journey of this character

we never met and only saw get hwatched.

670

:

Track 2_001: Did you write down her name?

671

:

Nope!

672

:

Okay.

673

:

Uh, well,

674

:

,

Track 1_001: Make one up.

675

:

My

676

:

Track 2_001: I have my problem is

all the names in, in this show are

677

:

cool and I'm trying to like, , so,

678

:

Our

679

:

dead

680

:

standard bearer is Boudica.

681

:

Track 1_001: Okay.

682

:

Track 2_001: And, , she worked her way

up, , she was not originally a warrior,

683

:

but she was freed by the widow and just

so believed in, in her, , In her message

684

:

that she went, joined up, immediately

got married just so she could kill her

685

:

husband because that is what widows do.

686

:

Uh, and, , that's how much she believed.

687

:

, and so she,

688

:

,

Was

689

:

tenacious and voracious and, , always

on the lookout for another battle

690

:

to win and another husband to kill.

691

:

, because that is the dream

living in the widow's world.

692

:

Track 1_001: Okay.

693

:

Alright.

694

:

, after all of this, Ben,

it fucking happens.

695

:

I'm like...

696

:

She's gonna poke this baby, and

it's gonna go on a murder rampage.

697

:

Track 2_001: And

698

:

Track 1_001: it fucking cuts away.

699

:

Track 2_001: She pokes the baby.

700

:

, so the doctor who is , looking at , at

Henry Vanita, , says, I just have

701

:

to take some blood to do some tests.

702

:

Which implies they at least

have some kinds of blood tests.

703

:

,

yeah.

704

:

, and has a shocked react.

705

:

It

706

:

Track 1_001: Yep.

707

:

And it cuts away, and we get

Badgie and Sunny catching up.

708

:

, They get found by, , Lydia.

709

:

Yep.

710

:

Okay.

711

:

It cuts to Badgie and Sonny catching up.

712

:

Lydia finds them.

713

:

And our heroes go to Henry's tent, where

we get confirmation that Henry Is a Kung

714

:

Track 2_001: Is a Kung Fu baby!

715

:

Track 1_001: Has the gift, but we

don't see any god damn Kung Fu Babies!

716

:

I'm so mad.

717

:

Track 2_001: I'm

718

:

Track 1_001: mad that when I saw this

scene, I texted you, fuck this show.

719

:

Did

720

:

Track 2_001: true.

721

:

, I...

722

:

It did tie into something

interesting we see at the end of

723

:

this episode that I'll get to.

724

:

Yes.

725

:

But it seems like when

726

:

people

727

:

go into the Ninja Blood Rage...

728

:

They don't

729

:

necessarily become violent.

730

:

They just now have the propensity

to, if they execute violence, it

731

:

is now on a grand wushu scale.

732

:

Track 1_001: Yeah.

733

:

It's kind of like if the Hulk,

instead of turning big and

734

:

strong, turned into Black Widow.

735

:

Track 2_001: Yes, , but...

736

:

Track 1_001: I wonder

if that was the pitch

737

:

,

Track 2_001: but it's

738

:

Smart Hulk,

739

:

not Mindless...

740

:

Hulk.

741

:

Track 1_001: I think that

depends on your level of skill.

742

:

Track 2_001: It's possible.

743

:

, Track 1_001: but yeah.

744

:

We don't know that until the end of

this episode, and everything before

745

:

we've seen of this leads me to believe

that it is mindless blood rage.

746

:

And the fact that this baby

just chills the fuck out

747

:

Track 2_001: It's because

the baby's the chosen one

748

:

Track 1_001: is a real fucking problem

749

:

for me.

750

:

Track 2_001: one.

751

:

He is the kung fu baby.

752

:

Track 1_001: says Azra is bullshit to

753

:

top all this off.

754

:

, Track 2_001: Sunny's

like, No, we gotta go!

755

:

We gotta go to Azra!

756

:

They'll be able to figure out,

and he's like, It's fake, man!

757

:

I called for help and they never answered!

758

:

Like, Azra's not real!

759

:

Track 1_001: I'm still mad.

760

:

,

Track 2_001: They gave you what you wanted, Ja'far.

761

:

Track 1_001: No they didn't, Ben.

762

:

I specifically said I wanted a baby

roundhouse kicking someone in the face.

763

:

I wanted a kung fu baby doing kung fu

moves, and we don't get any of that shit.

764

:

And don't tell me it's not the

budget, because AMC doesn't know

765

:

what to do with money at this point.

766

:

Clearly.

767

:

Track 2_001: They make the best shows.

768

:

Track 1_001: They're swimming and walking

dead money while they make this show.

769

:

Don't tell me they don't have the

budget for a goddamn CGI kung fu baby.

770

:

Track 2_001: Fair.

771

:

So

772

:

we cut to people streaming through

a broken wall, calling where

773

:

they are, The Promised Land.

774

:

Track 1_001: land.

775

:

Ba ba ba.

776

:

Yep.

777

:

Track 2_001: And they come

across an outpost that

778

:

is, , what appears to be Chau's

779

:

people.

780

:

Track 1_001: fox soldiers.

781

:

Track 2_001: And, the, the leader is

a man who calls himself the Pilgrim.

782

:

Track 1_001: Pilgrim.

783

:

Track 2_001: And, once again,

I am mad that we don't get cool

784

:

names in the pre apocalypse.

785

:

Track 1_001: Uh,

786

:

Track 2_001: his, he has

this, , Bodyguards, and they

787

:

say, hey, put down your weapons

and, , join your messiah or die.

788

:

Track 1_001: Mhmm.

789

:

Track 2_001: But, , here we

do see something interesting.

790

:

This is the first time we've ever

seen two people activate the gift

791

:

at the same time and work together.

792

:

Track 1_001: They get maybe the, they

have either fought together a bunch or

793

:

they are speaking to each other with their

minds and what this show, either way, one

794

:

Track 2_001: But the one interesting

thing we see is as they're fighting their

795

:

way up, there's a, , man and a woman.

796

:

At one point, the man turns off his gift.

797

:

Almost gets attacked from behind.

798

:

Where the, the woman, , bodyguard

kills the guy who almost kills him.

799

:

And then like gives him a like...

800

:

Come on, bruv, uh, sort of

look and he's like, oh, oops.

801

:

And then his eyes go black again,

802

:

so you can turn it on and

803

:

Track 1_001: off.

804

:

Well, they have to cut themselves

to turn it on initially.

805

:

Track 2_001: Yes.

806

:

So.

807

:

but is it like, an engine, once

you've, , started it up, you

808

:

don't have to hit the choke again?

809

:

Yeah.

810

:

Uh, I

811

:

Track 1_001: imagine he's still bleeding.

812

:

Yeah.

813

:

So it counts.

814

:

Track 2_001: but, they fight their way up.

815

:

Kill everybody.

816

:

But

817

:

the guy who deserved

818

:

Track 1_001: it,

819

:

Track 2_001: they kill everybody.

820

:

But the guy with lines, And

they throw him off the tower and

821

:

leave him broken at the bottom.

822

:

Tell everyone else what you have seen,

except they're gonna keep streaming in.

823

:

And he's at the Watchtower who's gonna

get to him laying there broken on

824

:

the side of the road that won't have

run into convoy of murder, psychos,

825

:

, Track 1_001: we do get a fun

little bit in here too, which

826

:

is catching an arrow between two

827

:

fingers.

828

:

I don't know that I've ever seen that

829

:

Track 2_001: before.

830

:

And snaps it in

831

:

Track 1_001: Yeah.

832

:

, the, if you were to actually do that at

the speed that everything is happening,

833

:

you might redirect the other end of that

arrow, but it would still be moving.

834

:

Yes.

835

:

, you know, objects in

motion stay in motion.

836

:

It's one of those laws or something.

837

:

Track 2_001: those laws.

838

:

Track 1_001: Yes.

839

:

But that was fun.

840

:

I hadn't seen that before.

841

:

So that's points.

842

:

Track 2_001: They also do a cool

thing where they're fighting up two

843

:

sides of a tower, and they jump,

kick each other's feet, and lock

844

:

themselves up to the next level.

845

:

, so they simultaneously propel each

other up to the next, , the next Kung Fu

846

:

Track 1_001: fight.

847

:

Yeah.

848

:

, someone way better at Mario Brothers

has done this in a two-player game.

849

:

And

850

:

I would love to see that on YouTube.

851

:

Yahoo!

852

:

Track 2_001: to see that on YouTube.

853

:

Track 1_001: Hi yah!

854

:

Oh, what's clipping, Ben?

855

:

All right.

856

:

, Track 2_001: me doing my Mario impression.

857

:

Track 1_001: It's

858

:

time for some predictions, but

before we get to that, we're going

859

:

to see how many episodes we skip.

860

:

There are 16 episodes in Season

861

:

Track 2_001: 3

862

:

here.

863

:

Season 3 is as long as

Seasons 1 and 2 combined.

864

:

Track 1_001: I'm rolling 2d4 here.

865

:

Five.

866

:

So we're skipping five episodes.

867

:

So that's six.

868

:

So we'll be watching season

three, episode seven.

869

:

And we'll look that up in a

few minutes, but first we're

870

:

going to make some predictions.

871

:

Okay.

872

:

So, Daytime Predictions, Ben.

873

:

What do you got?

874

:

My

875

:

Track 2_001: My daytime prediction

is The Pilgrim is our big

876

:

Track 1_001: bad.

877

:

Okay.

878

:

Yeah, that's, that's probably true.

879

:

My Daytime Prediction, Quinn, not dead.

880

:

Track 2_001: Okay.

881

:

Track 1_001: Evening, , MK

learns the real gift is the

882

:

friendship we make along the way.

883

:

Track 2_001: I thought the real gift

was all the opium, but, whatever.

884

:

, I'm gonna say, , my evening prediction

is the finale is them defending Azra.

885

:

Okay.

886

:

And my primetime,

887

:

the show

888

:

ends with baggie as Tilda Regent

as she rules the Badlands.

889

:

Okay.

890

:

Track 1_001: Yeah, I could see that.

891

:

, my prime time is...

892

:

Henry is gonna be in a Kung Fu fight.

893

:

We're gonna...

894

:

He

895

:

Track 2_001: he, he was

in a kung fu fight in this

896

:

Track 1_001: episode.

897

:

Yeah.

898

:

Henry will be a...

899

:

Henry is going to kick

somebody or punch somebody.

900

:

Like, Henry is going to be a participant

in a Kung Fu fight, not a bystander.

901

:

That's a very wittle baby

902

:

to fail.

903

:

Look, it's either gonna be time skip...

904

:

Or Kung Fu Baby, I don't care which.

905

:

Maybe, maybe a little time skip?

906

:

Maybe the gift makes

him age abnormally fast?

907

:

I don't know, I don't care.

908

:

Kung Fu Baby, give me Kung Fu Baby.

909

:

Track 2_001: Geoffeo, it's hard to do

Kung Fu when my bones are still cartilage.

910

:

Track 1_001: The Moopsie

drinks your bones.

911

:

Heheheheheheheheheheh.

912

:

All right.

913

:

Let me look up our next episode here.

914

:

Track 2_001: episode here.

915

:

Episode 7, Monkey Steals the Peaches.

916

:

Track 1_001: Oh, no,

917

:

Track 2_001: no, Ben, no.

918

:

Season

919

:

Track 1_001: No.

920

:

No, no, no.

921

:

I don't want, I don't want, no.

922

:

Okay.

923

:

. We've got Season 3, Episode

7, Dragonfly's Last Dance.

924

:

Track 2_001: Before Dragonfly, see!

925

:

Track 1_001: As a looming mutiny

threatens to take down the Widow,

926

:

Sunny seeks out the survivor of a

mysterious massacre from long ago.

927

:

Alright, well, we'll

watch that one next week.

928

:

But

929

:

this week, we've gotta say thank you to

930

:

Track 2_001: right?

931

:

Yeah, we

932

:

Track 1_001: do.

933

:

Thank you, R.

934

:

I.

935

:

P.

936

:

E., for letting us use your

absolute fucking banger of a song,

937

:

Goon Squad, as our theme music.

938

:

I cannot express how much it means to me.

939

:

Y'all fucking rock.

940

:

Thank you.

941

:

Track 2_001: And also thank you to Annette

Lucina for your , for your creative

942

:

commons, , photograph of a, , TV that

we are able to use for our podcast art

943

:

because of people like you making art

for free, we are able to make art for

944

:

Track 1_001: free.

945

:

Thank you

946

:

Track 2_001: you.

947

:

and

948

:

Track 1_001: thank you listener.

949

:

We'll see you next

950

:

Track 2_001: week

951

:

And we will see you next time on Last Time

952

:

Track 1_001: On.

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About the Podcast

Last Time On
Who's Got Time For All This Prestige TV?
Who has time for all this prestige television these days? Not us! That's why Ben and Xhafer are going through "must watch" TV by skipping a random number of episodes in-between each viewing and connecting the dots on what happened. What happened Last Time On? What happen hurr?

Shout out to Ripe for our theme music, Goon Squad. Find them wherever you listen to music.

About your hosts

Benjamin Curley

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Xhafer Husen

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